Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
