I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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