Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
