i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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