this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
