I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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