I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
