well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
