This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
