I think I am morally bankrupt
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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