time to smoke my breakfast
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
