i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
