I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
