what if every blade of grass was a penis?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
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