somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize