he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
