and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
