she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
