So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I have already put on my inside pants.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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