A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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