i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
