i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
