id be glad to
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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