My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
