I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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