quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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