any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize