I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
