I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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