Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
