If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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