Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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