I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
