he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
