I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
