if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
