he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
