oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I can't turn off my feet"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
