You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
