So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize