I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
