you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
