so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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