Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
