I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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