the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
