....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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