i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
