i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize