I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
