Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We need to rekindle our bromance
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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