is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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