my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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