Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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