just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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