Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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