everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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