I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
