Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
