Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
