If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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