first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Girls should come with a carfax report
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
