If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
