I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
